I don’t like this kind of photography
March 18, 2006
Last Wednesday was a day of firsts. It was the first time I visited a hospital for my own well being today. Before I dive in let me backtrack a bit.
For the last month or so I had been feeling a dull pain in my chest, around the breastbone area. I quick search online and along with other symptoms I had been having there were chances of it being GERD, an ulcer, or esophageal cancer. None of these are very fun things to be afflicted with, especially the last one, since my grandmother and the lady’s father succumbed to it.
So it was off to the hospital today to get a checkup. It was the checkup to end all checkups. I have never taken so many tests since my second year of university (7 finals in less than two weeks!). And because I am an attention whore and I have no shame, or maybe I want to educate the masses so my worries will not be felt by others, here are the gory details!
Don’t say I didn’t warn you:
Otolaryngology
Real people call it the ear, nose, and throat doctor. First, your general peep into the ears. Nothing peculiar. Then, the doctor started spraying stuff into my left nostril. I didn’t realize it at the time because I was just wincing in discomfort but this crap was a local anesthetic: my nostril felt so numb after. Why? Well, the doctor shoved a camera into my nostril that almost entered the trachea. Luckily nothing bad was found although she said the opening of my esophagus was red. It was red either because my throat was already a bit sore (the air has been dry) or, one of the symptoms of GERD, regurgitating stomach acid was causing discomfort in my esophagus.
Ultrasound
It’s not as fun as it seems on TV when pregnant ladies see their babies twitch and smile on TV. The doctor sprayed this gel all over my stomach and in enough positions to mimic the Kama Sutra, he rolled the handheld camera all over. I am devilishly ticklish and I think he enjoyed making a grown man squeam. This doctor might be able to speak English but he only showed me my internal organs. “Liver”. “Pancreas”. “Gall bladder”. “Polyp”. Wait wait, backtrack. There was a polyp on my gall bladder??? That didn’t sound good and he didn’t explain further. A quick web search shows most are benign. I’ll be getting the report on this soon enough I guess.
Endoscopy
The medical test to end all tests. First I drank this cup of awful crap. I’m guessing this is what liquid plastic would taste like. Then, more local anesthetic – keeping a squirt of some gel like substance in my mouth for 4 minutes then swallowing it. Then a shot of something into my arm. Then a plastic ring to keep my mouth open. Then 50cm of rubber tubing about 1cm in diameter shoved into your mouth, down your esophagus, into the stomach and into the duodenum. When the damn thing enters your throat you can’t help but gag. When it’s inside your body cavity, it’s easier to deal with but then there’s the squeaking noise as the rubber rubs against your inside. Plus they put a monitor right in front of me and just looking at my insides made me want to rip the damn thing out. I kept my eyes shut as tears were streaming out. While not painful this is certainly a process not to be repeated to pass time. A nurse was brushing my back during the whole time – this did nothing. Luckily, everything looked good here.
Blood and urine
To my knowledge, I’ve never had my blood tested. The lady has some fascination with blood types (it’s like the Japanese horoscope) and I enjoyed not letting her know so that she can’t classify me into four very general personality types. Well that game ended today as I now proclaim myself an “O”. Not sure if it’s + or -. The pee test was fun. I could’ve peed into a few more little cups if they wanted. Both results came out clean.
X-ray
Or the ‘Roentgen’ as the Japanese call it. This was fast. “Take off your shirt, stand here, breathe, finish.” This was my favorite test! Results not in yet.
Heart
Another easy one. “Take off your shirt, take off your shoes, this might feel a bit cold… OK finished”. Sticky catheters are fun. I don’t know the results of this either.
So roughly three hours later I emerged, with a little less blood, somewhat nauseous, and ready to eat! I couldn’t eat for about 12 hours and it was killing me. I got some antacids prescribed and while I’m glad nothing bad was found I’m still wondering what’s causing my symptoms. One guess might be stress? I’m still waiting for results from the ultrasound, x-ray, and the heart test though…
March 20th, 2006 at 22:35
I want to hear more about the nurse brushing your back….
April 7th, 2006 at 04:48
Something like that happened to my mom before. They called it autonomic imbalance. That happens when you’re stressed or environmet changes. My mom’s went away after a while. Japanese docs are pretty good so if they say it’s nothing it’s probably nothing. So don’t worry.