Asking for permission
October 02, 2005
One of the cultural differences between Japan and western countries when it comes to marriages is that the guy needs to ask the girl’s parents for permission before he can propose to the girl. So, when in Rome…
We invited the lady’s mother for dinner on a Monday in August to set up this occasion. It was for her birthday and since it was a month before the proposal date, it was the perfect time to ask her. We met at Kushi-ya, an all-you-can-eat place where you make your own kushi-katsu skewers (deep fried breaded everything), for dinner. I prodded my girlfriend and asked, “Can I do it now? I wanna ask now instead of worrying all through dinner.” She said ok so in my broken Japanese i made a little speech (completely unrehearsed).
Basically I don’t need to write what was said but it ended with, “Eri to kekkon sasete kudasai”, or, “Please allow (me) to marry your daughter”. Now during this whole time when I’m pouring my heart out in Japanese, her mother had this big grin on her face. I was thinking maybe she knew was what was going on. She said yes and we all had a moment of “Yay”.
I asked my girlfriend if she had told her mother about this beforehand but she said nope. When we asked her mother she said she had no idea it was coming. Keep in mind though, her mother had already been planning which hotel she was going to stay in when my girlfriend talked to her about having the wedding in Hawaii. I guess I knew what her answer would’ve been but it’s still always a bit gut wrenching.
A couple weeks later we visited the father’s grave and in a silent prayer I said the same thing and made some promises to him and to myself too.
There you go.
October 6th, 2005 at 13:30
Congrats. Y’all gonna settle here or return to O Canada at some point?
– Nick, Who Used To Work With You
October 7th, 2005 at 16:05
Nicholas! We’ve missed you and those lovely hams of yours.
The answer to your question is: “Yes”
November 27th, 2005 at 18:19
Aaawh, I am all teary. I knew this story already but it was sweet in its own little way. I have so many plans for your party!