Meeting New People Sucks
August 16, 2004
Hey whatever your name is. The hardest part of making small talk is trying to act like I care. I mean really, if I were really into you, I’d be hitting on you. Otherwise, I’m just talking to you because I feel like I have to or else I’ll come off rude or, gasp, antisocial. I have enough friends.
Listen to what you’re speaking about. You’re talking about nothing. Look at these words coming out of your mouth; they have no value at all! Don’t you have something better to do? Don’t you have your own real friends to talk to? I sure do! You’re depriving me of time from my real friends.
After this “conversation”, I’ll go home and forget about you. I’ll probably never ever see you again. Suits me fine. Like you give a damn either. I don’t care what you like. I don’t want to tell you what I like. I don’t care what language you can speak. I don’t care that you think whatever is cool.
Don’t talk to me please. Go grab your food and drink, turn away, and walk away. Leave me with my friends. Don’t even look at me. I don’t want to look at you. Don’t talk to my girlfriend about me when I’m in earshot – that’s rude in all cultures (I don’t care if you weren’t saying anything bad). I don’t care that we have things in common.
If we do become friends, it will happen gradually and we won’t need this moment to cement our friendship. You know what, don’t even greet me. I gain no benefit from your salutations. When you leave I’ll say goodbye but I won’t mean it. I won’t miss you. You’re not my friend, why should I miss you?
You’re as faceless as the thousands of people I see on the streets and on TV. I will forget you as easily as the comic strip from last week’s paper or that joke I thought was funny for a moment. I can read you like a flyer.
Just go away.
Dedicated to 90% of people I’ve “met”.
