Defining My Friends
June 09, 2004
A few days ago, I was thinking about all the people I call “friend” and I was trying to think of what kind of people I find to be good friends. The ones whom I completely trusted in and enjoyed their company day in and day out are so different in their respective walks of life but I was sure there were some common features that they all shared.
Here are some things that all my good friends are:
They must be secure, well adjusted individuals
I take pleasure in friendship because of mutual support and mutual emotional benefit. I don’t like having to carry other’s emotional baggage. This is not to say I won’t a friend in need but the friend must want to help himself before I can help.
They must be wicked funny
Let’s be honest. I’m not the wittiest person you’ll ever meet. Very few people get my jokes and the good ones I come up with are rare indeed. Still, I like a friend who can understand some of my jokes and we can spend hours laughing at just about anything. They should be slightly twisted so that not many topics are taboo either. The funniest shit is the stuff no one else touches.
They must not be pretentious
The only person truly worthy of recognition is me. It’s a well known fact. So? They get no recognition from me because if they truly were awesome, they would know it and would never have to show it. I will very rarely openly compliment your coolness because… you know… that’s weird and uncomfortable for guys.
They are not vapid, boring people
They are interesting and always have interesting things to say. They find interest in many many things and never run out of ideas. I will like hanging out with them on any occasion because they can turn a dull party into a great conversation.
They’re honest with me
During my waking hours, I am a moron. I do many stupid things and I have a very dualistic way of thinking (ie. everything is black and white, right or wrong, beautiful or ugly). I know my way of thinking puts limits on many things. My friends have always been there to nudge me in the right direction with very direct, honest advice. I hate bullshit, especially from those I trust. If my shirt is ugly, I want it said to my face. I rarely get mad so what do they have to lose? I appreciate their honesty.
They’re not competitive
They’ll never make me feel like they’re out to win. They’re not trying to show me they’re better than me at something. They don’t care. I don’t care. I have strengths and weaknesses much like everyone else so why count score. It’s lame.
That’s it. If you or anyone else you know possess the preceding qualities, submit an application right away and I’ll send you your own Befriend Jerry starter kit. If you possess some of these qualities but you’re lacking some, that’s ok. You can be my B rate friend. If you lack many qualities. Well… you can be the guy who tags along.
