Chubby Rain
April 30, 2003
It’s about 30 past 5AM right now. I went to sleep at 3AM. Why am I up so early? It wasn’t intentional. I was literally woken up by the rain. I woke up and heard a really loud noise and wondered for a moment. It really sounded like rain. I opened the sliding door and I was right. It was the rain. I have never in my life seen so much water coming down from the sky and that says a lot because I come from Vancouver - the land of gravitated water. It’s kind of eerie standing on your balcony at 5:30AM watching the most rain you’ve seen in your life. It kinda made me think of, “Sonova… what if it were to flood… where would I go?” My eyes darted to the taller apartment buildings around…
I’m really glad I don’t have to work today but other arrangements will have to be made with my laundry plans because my clothes will become wetter in the drying process than the washing cycles today. Thankfully I remember that weather in this place doesn’t tend to stick around too long. Gonna try to fall asleep again but damn, that rain is really loud!
This Edition Of The Easiest Thing
April 28, 2003
The easiest thing about enjoying a weekend followed by one day of work and then another weekend because your shift change request was approved and also having had “development” everyday this week which almost guarantees free periods in the first two periods while all the other suckers are working and then having more than your fair share of no shows today in the middle of Golden week which isn’t so golden and isn’t really a week is that… it’s great.
Poor Strong Bad, will he EVER get the ladies?
This Edition Of The Hardest Thing
April 26, 2003
The hardest thing about biking back home on a bike with unfully inflated tires with your girlfriend standing on two stepping things attached to the wheel and carrying her purse, my full backpack, and a bag of videos with strong wind blowing against you and also trying to steer on wet concrete is that you have to convince yourself that you are stronger than five muscular gorillas in heat. It’s sheer will.
I Have To Say mk.II
April 24, 2003
And if you’re like me, you’ll have had tonnes of shitty toys back in the 80s that seemed bodaciously cool for the time. Here’s a webpage that tries to catalog a bunch of 80s toys. It’s amazing how much of it sounds familiar or are so familiar that I can remember how they smelled. It was heinously awesome and radical. Oh yeah, I guess you should check out the glossary of 80s terms or these words I’m using will just sound bogus and totally untubular.
I Have To Say
Greetings.
Well to start off, I think Michelle is mad at me. She said, “Fuck you” in the very first line of her webpage. I think she was directing it at me. I am now wondering if I acted stupid enough to incure the “fuck you” wrath. I was so upset that I didn’t read what the rest of her update was about.
And at work today I pretended I was totally into hockey because, well, all Canadians are supposed to love hockey. I started talking about Bobby Hull, Frank Mahosomething, Gordie Howe, and Guy Lafleur and people totally thought I was a hockey nut. I don’t think I can name off more than 5 Canucks anymore. Just 8 years ago, I could name every Canuck and their second grade teacher. Funny how EIGHT years changes a guy. Assuming it matters, I hope Vancouver does well anyway because I love the town to death and it would just rule to have a big metal cup sitting in some hockey place for people to look at and stuff. Stuff is cool.
And the weather this week has been pissy. We’ve had nothing but cool, crisp, dry, sunny weather with occasional rainfall. I think last Saturday, it rained and all of a sudden it was humidity central. I’m used to rain in Vancouver that feels like water and feels cool and I love the smell of grass after a nice long shower. Well, on Saturday the rain felt and smelled like sweaty socks and it was so warm I was sweating just from walking home from the train station (a ten minute stroll). Couple that with a full day of work and I was ready to kill people just for talking. Today started out really nice and cool but on the way home, I felt this strange blanket of humidity descend upon me. I was walking out of a grocery store and all of a sudden, as if Hermes the Weather God (I know he’s not but don’t dare correct me) pushes down with his divine power heat from Zeus’ underside. It was not pleasant. It felt like Hong Kong only not that hot… yet. Luckily I am changing my schedule very soon and I’ll be leaving the house dead early enough to avoid Zeus’ undersided heat. At least I hope so.
And should you be one of the two people who think my comics have some sort of interesting appeal or are just bemusing, stay tuned because I have been having epiphanies as to things I would like to, or will eventually do. And they won’t swirl around The Evil Penguin (a shit idea to begin with) nor mindnumbing stories where things just suddenly die. Well, some might.
And I will end this update on a fragment sentence. Is such a thing.
Naming Your Neighbours
April 20, 2003
After reading Chang’s update, I’m reminded of a similar thing Eri and I do in the apartment. On our floor there are about 8 apartments. I never went down to the end of the hall before so I really haven’t a clue. I met all the Japanese neighbors once and that was in October. I was told it was proper etiquette to say hello to your neighbors and say something along the lines of, “Please welcome me to the building if it will not bring dishonor to your generation and 42 generations along your line. If you please.” So I gave them some packs of the smoked salmon I had horded from Vancouver. Ever since then, I haven’t even seen them, let alone try to talk to them.
In these past months, people (mostly the foreigners), have moved, have come and gone, and very few have stayed. For the ones that have stayed, we have special names for them.
- There’s See Sit - it’s because her name has the Chinese characters to see, and to sit and also I have no idea how to pronounce them in Japanese, so I dubbed her See Sit.
- There’s also Wine - same reason as above.
- There’s Nose - same reason as above.
- Then there’s The Guy Who’s Dying - he’s really interesting. I have never seen him and I’m not quite sure which particular apartment he is in. Sometimes I think he’s to the right of me, sometimes I think he’s on the floor above. Wherever he is, he seems like he’s dying because EVERYDAY he makes the most horrendous coughing/gagging/lugey hocking sounds I have ever heard in my life. Top that off with that he almost screams out these sounds. He usually goes through these dying fits very early in the morning. I think I heard some organs drop to the floor once.
- As for the foreigners, I don’t really know them. There was one guy who lived at the end of the hall. I forgot his name but I bought this computer desk from him. His apartment stunk so much. He doesn’t really have a name, but we just refer to him as stinky guy.
I bet they all have names for me like, “There’s the Japanese guy” or “There’s the Foreign guy”. The thing about being a Chinese-Canadian in Japan is that no one knows what the fuck to do with you. Most people just assume I’m Japanese and therefore be fluent in the language. I guess in Canada if you see a caucasian person running around, you’d assume he’s an English speaker too. Makes you think.
Hmm
April 17, 2003
Two Updates
April 15, 2003
You guys are so lucky huh.
I discovered that the thing with instant noodles is that you can throw whatever is in your fridge and it will still taste damn good. I am hooked on a certain brand of instant noodles here and it kicks the ass of some normal noodle restaurants in Vancouver. I forgot what flavour it is but probably somewhere along the lines of Kyushi shio ramen or something. Ever since Eri moved back to her house and left me with the cooking, this ramen has become the main sustenance. Usually I just throw whatever is in the fridge and eat the sucker right out of the pot.
Today, as per my usual Chores Tuesday, I went grocery shopping. I decided I was going to splurge a bit because it was pay day and I had some nice change in the bank that I could spend. I bought some damn nice beef that is supposed to be for grilling, some bok choy because I haven’t been eating greens, some eggs, and a whole shitload of non-ramen items. And so, I had possibly the best instant noodle pot I’ve ever made. I essentially threw in whatever spice or condiment I could think of and marinated the beef in some sort of Japanese sauce and even cut the bok choy into pretty bite-sized pieces. I don’t think anyone in history went to the meticulous details I did to prepare some instant ramen. Looking back now I should’ve bought real noodles and just make my own soup base but that’ll be for next time, for sure.
Now, with a rather bloated tummy and a smile the size of Wisconsin, I think I will fall back onto a pillow, throw in The Usual Suspects, and leave Spin Doctors on at a just audible level.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is living.
Urgh
After some very pleasant, “Jerry it’s not working” messages. I think I finally fixed everything. Turns out a few months ago I fucked Golive and now it came and bit me back in the ass. I think the problem was the page was looking for a javascript library on my computer when it should’ve just shitted the code onto the page as it should. Well I think I made it shit on the page so all the pictures should work. If not, please tell me and I’ll shoot the messenger. The webcam which mysteriously stopped working (I didn’t touch this page at all for a very long time) should also be working too.
Thanks to Justin for pointing out it was fucked and telling me which line the error was on. And thanks to Dennis for patiently testing every little thing I tried, eg. “And this?” “Nope.” “How about this?” “Nope.” And thanks for offering your abuse code but I don’t want pictures of razored women popping up all over the place.
I would update but I’m too sick of looking at this computer. I need to go outside and melt. See you.
Here’s something to read before you eat lunch:
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Two California poultry farmers who fed some 30,000 live chickens into wood chippers will not face criminal charges because they had permission from the U.S. Department of Agriculture (news - web sites), prosecutors said on Friday.
But a spokesman for the Humane Society of the United States called the farmers “callous and barbaric” and disagreed with the decision not to prosecute them.
The farmers needed to destroy the chickens because they were “spent” — or no longer able to produce eggs — and could not make chicken soup out of them because the farms were under quarantine for the poultry virus Exotic Newcastle Disease, District Attorney’s spokeswoman Gayle Stewart said.
Stewart said the men, who run a poultry farm near San Diego, asked a senior veterinarian with the Agriculture Department if they could employ the wood chippers and were given permission.
“Once they had permission we decided that they did not have any criminal intent,” Stewart said.
Brothers Arie and Will Wilgenburg, who run Escondido-based Ward Poultry Farm, could not be reached for comment on Friday. Earlier, they told the San Diego Union Tribune newspaper that they were doing “what we thought we had to do” based on expert advice and stopped as soon as they learned otherwise.
Wayne Pacelle, a spokesman for the Humane Society, said that explanation was unacceptable.
“The act of feeding live chickens into a wood chipper is an extraordinarily callous and barbaric act and I can’t imagine any person with a whit of common sense would use a wood chipper as a killing tool,” he said. “No person with any experience in killing animals would sanction the use of this technique.”
Pacelle said the District Attorney’s decision not to prosecute the brothers rested on the “faulty assumption” that using wood chippers to kill chickens was an accepted practice. [Yahoo! News]
It’s Your Lucky Day
April 10, 2003
For a limited time viewing, I am publicizing things I have made. The latest creation is a small photo album called Japan Captured. Find this and other crazy ass Jerry stuff in my Gallery. Yes! I have a gallery (still).
And Michelle, that poot story is hilarious! It’s hilarious because Eri and I have conversations about how we sometimes hear each other fart in our sleep. We both grind our teeth too which sounds really terrible but it’s probably not that big a deal. I also laugh in my sleep while Eri twitches. It’s cool to observe your loved one in the dead of night for these things that no one else knows.
Halfa Milestone
April 09, 2003
April 9th marks exactly six months to the day that I stepped foot onto Japan soil. Hot damn, where has the time gone? I was eyeing this graduate school that is run entirely in English here. It’s a one year program and looks pretty cool. Downside: 3,600,000 yen for the program plus living expenses, books, accomodation, etc. The tuition itself is almost $50,000 CDN. A little too much for my blue collar butt. I’ll wait till later I guess but I think I’ve decided to study in another country, be it Japan or Jamaica or something.
And today’s big bargain: 5 bananas for 38 yen (about 50 cents) - that’s dirt cheap!!! Bananas are sold by the bunch here instead of by pound or kilo. The price I paid before was usually 100 yen to the bunch. I’ve done and saved meeself a smart 62 yen… Cletus! You’re going to college!
Realization
April 08, 2003
This night was an eye opener for him. It was his girlfriend’s first official day at work and they were to meet afterwards. They went for a tantalizing meal of yakisoba and okonomiyaki. If you don’t know what these two items are, don’t bother asking - it’s one of those food deals. They barely finished these two items but they ordered a side dish of salted fried squid - a delicacy to Japanese people, himself, and perhaps some iodine deficient killer whales. It was a meal fit for Shogunate rulers with a bad attitude.
With a full stomach of delectable food washed down with coke and oolong tea, they decided to end the day with a bit of romance. They hopped the local train and went to admire the cherry blossoms in full bloom. The river bank where they went was lined with possibly hundreds of cherry blossom trees and just as many people under them. Many of the trees had blue tarmac underneath with a gang of young adults, enjoying some premade food and beer. Some where couples holding hands, walking on the sidewalk and enjoying each other’s company. He and his other were of this type.
They spotted the castle some ways ahead. It was a three kilometer walk along the river from where they were if they wanted to see the castle and unfortunately, she had to work early in the morning. They decided to sit on a bench overlooking the river, surrounded by cherry blossoms to their left, right, and back. It was a tranquil evening
It was at this moment when he realized he was no longer the same person he thought he had been. He had, in his amazement, grown up and had a lot to be proud of. No longer someone without a care, he now has many strange things to look forward to. And although this new path will be filled with as much treachery as there is reward, he realized he wouldn’t be alone in travelling.
The Dawn
April 06, 2003
With a two litre bottle of water in hand, he thinks about the things which transpired today.
It’s strange how some things are not quite coincidental and not special enough to be divine intervention. This morning while he and his girlfriend were talking about their schedules that don’t mesh, he mentions, “Well, when the shift change request goes through, we’ll be able to see each other more. But it’ll probably take till fuckin July before it goes through.” Little did he know that when he got to work and logged onto the archaic computers, there would be a foreign message to greet him.
“Please come to LS and pick up your schedule change confirmation sheet. - Ayako*.”
In amazement, he double checks then triple checks this message. Can it finally be true? Has paperwork finally gone through and been approved? It truly was an amazing day. Furthermore, he would go through the whole day with only four lessons and also plan an upcoming trip to Tokyo with his good friends, Darwin* and Darwin*. The most exciting highlight? While enjoying a free block with Darwin, they both see a building blow pillars of smoke. It definitely wasn’t a smoke stack, the building was located pretty much right next to the Osaka Dome. It would be like putting the pork byproduct refinery plant next to GM Place. Ridiculous notion.
And now, as he eats his favorite bento lunch box from the local convenience store, sipping from his two litre bottle of water, he begins to write in his journal…
—
* Actual names have been changed to protect identities.
Finally!!!
As it may have turned out, it might have been my ftp that was fucking up instead of the good stuff at Blogger. Oh well, why split hairs? It’s finally up and now you have THREE updates to catch up on. How lucky you are, my fellow visitor. The book is getting even better. The different characters may just all end up in the same story line yet. Today at work I had seven lessons - I haven’t had that many in quite awhile. To spit on my neck while I’m down, half the students today were utter morons. I know the difficulties of learning a new language but when you don’t understand something, SAY SOMETHING! SAY, “I don’t know” or “I’m sorry” or even a gutteral “HUH?” Today’s morons completely froze when they didn’t understand something. I mean, they just sit there and try not to move. It’s like one of those pill bugs at home. When you touch it, it curls up into a ball and pretends to be dead, in hopes that the predator will go away. Maybe these morons wanted to pretend to be dead so that I would go away. I thought my computer had froze and I had to wave my hand in the camera and start saying, “hello? hello? Uhh…. are you there?” And then in a weak, “… yes” they’ll dispel the illusion that my computer had died.
Blech.
Sucks
April 05, 2003
Well isn’t this how it always is. I updated finally and what? Blogger won’t publish because of some problem. Fuck. Well, seeing how you won’t be reading this update for an unforeseen amount of time, I am going to prophesize about what I will be thinking of by the time this finally gets posted on my webpage.
I will have finished reading half of the book I wrote about in the last update (which you never heard about so after you read this, read the post beforehand). I will be loving the book even more because it’s already as exciting as it is. I will be wanting to buy the other book by the same author because the excerpt from that book, Syrup, is pretty interesting too. Max Barry, you’re a pretty good author, and I’ll forgive you for being Australian. (I bet my Aussie friends at work would beat me into the cheap office flooring if they read that).
I will be dancing with a jolly fat smile because I have a three day weekend coming up and even though events as of late. Just when I was beginning to think the company isn’t as sludge-like as people say, they go and do some retarded, nonsensical, unefficient, money wasting things that piss me off. They just took at least a 3 point dive on the Shit-O-Meter. They weren’t high up there as it was, and now? Geez.
I will be pretty damn pleased at myself because my Chinese (mandarin) communicative ability, or C/A in work slang, has been improving with every language exchange. Yesterday, a coworker and I were annoying our chinese teacher when all we practiced were whimsical use of the words, With, Do, Make, You, Like, With, Love, Me, and Want. It was pretty funny.
Also, I will have smothered Eri to death with voluminous kissing because she just came back today after a week in Nagoya. I will have returned the other pillow to its original position after holding it for a few nights in lieu of Eri. Sad huh?
Hopefully it won’t be long before this thing goes back up. I really don’t want to write another update in which I have to refer to this update or the one previously.
First E-Book
April 03, 2003
In the boredom that occupied most of my last two days, I was browsing through pages and stumbled onto Nation States, a clever little web-based game where you create a country and run its government in the political style of your liking. I was reading through the whole page and it so happens that this game is a marketing ploy for a new book called Jennifer Government. I went over to the book’s page and read about it and plunged into the excerpt and was quite impressed. So impressed in fact, that I just bought the book, the e-book. This would make it the first e-book I have ever purchased, first book in Japan, and first online book purchase ever for me.
I was quite happy until the damn book crashed my palm two times. After a couple of resets (and one data restore), I think the book works. Turns out my old version of winzip was corrupting the file somehow (don’t ask me). I will be busy on the subway reading this book! Anyway, I haven’t gotten far but basically corporations run this world and everyone changes their family name to their corporation’s name. It takes awhile to clear out if they’re talking about THE company or if it’s just some guy who works there. Interesting idea - a review will come when I’m farther into it.
I had something else written yesterday but I fucking accidentally closed the browser because I had too many windows open and was ALT-F4′ing without due care. Rats.
