Really simple answer or a very complex psychosis
December 11, 2001
Since I was planning to go to Oakridge with my mom this morning to study (I absolutely cannot study at home so even going to the busiest place of all, a mall, let’s me study), I thought I should go to sleep a little bit earlier last night at 1am. I listen to my favorite radio show and before I know it, it’s 2am. Then it’s 3am. I said, “fuck. I’m going to wake up and read something for a little bit.” I surf the net for half an hour and go back to bed. Then it’s 4am. FUCK!!!! I have a full, super study session tomorrow and I can’t sleep.
I look again, oh… it’s 7:30am now. I must have slept for a couple of hours. It’s 8:30am. Fuck. Now I have to wake up. So I think in total, I slept about 2.5 hrs, maybe less.
Actually, I’m quite energetic even running on a 2.5hr charge. My mom washed the bed covers yesterday and I swear she did something to my pillows because they felt less comfortable… almost harder to sleep on. That’s the simple answer to my sleepless in vancouver night. OR it could be on an unconscious level, I am horridly afraid of the final tomorrow and my body is quivering subconsciously so that it can’t fall asleep. That’s a the complex psychotic reason. Which one do you choose? Turn to page 15 for simple, and 52 for complex. I also swear that I feel like I will collapse and shatter at any given moment. Really, I don’t exercise vigorously, I smoke, I don’t eat healthy… there’s a medical term that describes what happens to people like me. Oh yeah, DEATH.
I also had a short short dream during that 2.5hr charge. It was really interesting. IT was about some sick / mad scientist dude who invented some sort of video game or virtual reality where you create a human (this part was very video gamey). Then, you can create bionic body parts for him by mixing certain appendages with DNA of animals. For example, I made a squid head for him because this squid head would be superior to a regular human head. This guinea pig of DNA testing was to be some sort of adventurer/fighter dude in this game world or something. In the game, a flyer came out advertising about an upcoming martial arts tournament. Someone else in the dream asked me to enter and here’s what I said,
“Haha, no. I haven’t been in training for 3 years now and I even when I was in training, I would have needed an extra year before I would be enter”. That is exactly how I feel. During the last year where I went to every week of kung fu, a Tiger Balm tourney was held and 2 of the guys in my class took home awards. 1st in free style sparring and 3rd in forms. Now I know the dude who took the 3rd, he wasn’t that good. In fact, to be smug, I was superior in every aspect compared to him. That 3rd should be mine! (or maybe a first?) But the guy who took the 1st is a killer and I haven’t been able to beat him since we both started. Anyway, my dream did illustrate the subconsious about my feelings towards training for kung fu. Maybe I should get back into it… I mean serious training, none of this half an hour every odd day or so.
BTW if this update is weird, remember that I just got up from 2.5hrs of sleep. I thought it might be interesting to update the first thing in the morning to see how incoherent I am. Damn@ hit@ hell@ ass@ fuck@.
