A Different Kind of Update
October 29, 2001
I had a revelation today about my way of thinking.
Firstly I guess it started when I got back my auditing midterm and i see that I got 62%. That really shocked me because I could have sworn I knew the answers, but I guess my answers were not specific enough to warrant marks. That’s ok.
Afterwards, I felt rather depressed because I truly studied for the test. I really did. But my effort paid off in the form of a 62% and that really made me think. Well it’s no secret to you folks that I don’t fit accounting. I’ve mentioned that so many times. The accounting firms seem to agree because only 2 gave me interviews and the possibility of a job seems miniscule. Something else I’ve come to notice is that the school I’m in is not exactly for me neither. It just doesn’t seem right to me and I do mean only me because the school itself is great.
That really burst a big bubble because ever since I was 14 or 15 or something, I wanted to be rich. I wanted to be involved in business and possibly equity markets. I figured that UBC Commerce would be the way to that road. I thought if I studied really hard, interviewed really well, I could jump on that train headed towards wherever it was I wanted to be.
The ultimate goal of all this was to make money. That was my prime goal. To get a good job, sure, that was really just a means to attain money.
Ever since I got into accounting, I thought that the money would be there because accountants make pretty good dirt. I then realized that even though the money was good, I don’t think I would be very happy working in an accounting firm. But still – it was money.
That was my mistake because this thinking constrained the possibilities. I was feeling nauseous that since my marks weren’t cutting it, I wouldn’t be getting those jobs and therefore wouldn’t be making the money. Well I was thinking of this all day and feeling self-pity for the boy who just couldn’t cut it. It was about 8:00pm when I realized I’ve been going about all this the wrong way.
I’ve been thinking that money was the goal and that a job or a career would be the vehicle to get there. All this time I’ve been thinking backwards – it’s the other way around. It’s the job that is the goal and money is just really a side effect. The only true way I can ever be happy is if the job I’ll be doing is something that I truly think is right. Then I thought about that. I always thought the ideal job would be something to do with trading or investing or financial planning or some other crap but with this notion that money was just a side effect, those jobs seemed meaningless now.
I’ve heard so many ‘success stories’ about successful people in the business world who would go around chanting that the number one priority is love your job. I’ve heard it so many times that it just fades into the background. The fact remains is they were in the 6 digit salary figure and that was the big trumpet blast I heard.
Now I thought about what job would make me be happy. Being happy is being passionate about something. No, “teaching english to japanese people” (anonymous) is not something that makes me feel passionate. I have many things that do so finding a way to make a living out of them is only a matter of time.
I feel a big monkey has been clubbed off my back because now I don’t have to worry about getting into the corporate world and making corporate monies. I now want to do something because I believe in it, not because I believe in the side effects of it.
The wheels are in motion.
