“Fits in your Wallet”
October 03, 2001
I hate things that fit in your wallet. I was at blockbusters yesterday and they now have some sort of “rewards” dealy where you pay $10 and you get $2 off a rental every month, a free rental on your birthday, and they’ll forgive you twice if you return something late. To top that off, the movie I was renting at the time was also free. I got the damn thing because there’s 2 free rentals in it which almost makes up the $10 anyway. Besides, I NEVER go out on my birthday anymore so I might as well get a video. That sounds so sad.
Anyways, they give you a little book that “fits in your wallet”. It does not fit in your wallet unless your wallet can handle something about 0.5cm thick. I mean, the book will go into one of the slots, but after that, the wallet feels super chunky and heavy and not comfortable to put into your pockets. Does that count as fit? We have too many things that fit in wallets nowadays. All those ID cards, credit cards, library cards, wallet-sized pictures, coins, paper bills, and all that stuff. Our wallets are overstressed! Who’s going to look out for our wallets?
You know, the girls have it set. They have those big wallets and those purses that they use to carry a whole lot more stuff than we men do. When are we men going to wake up and realize we need those big wallets too? Right now my wallet is split by functionality. The left side is my identification side – anything that can be used to ID me is there: driver’s licence, birth certificate, student card, SIN, etc. The right side is my everything-else side: blockbusters rental, hallmark stampy card, bubble tea stampy cards, etc. If I used one of those big wallets, I’d be able to sort both sides even further… like… uh… school-use stuff, entertainment stuff, eating stuff, etc.
So I see three solutions to this problem.
Make bigger wallets the norm of society
- They don’t even have to be huge. I think those executive portfolio things would be the perfect size. They’re about the size of a binder and usually have nice leather casing and zippers and places to hold business cards and whatnot.
make wallet items smaller OR bigger
- Either make it so that we can fit twice as many library cards into the same compartment or make library cards so big that we won’t even think about putting them into our wallets. I like the latter idea because it seems kind of fun to have a bunch of novelty library cards that REALLY work!
multipurpose card
- This card will be a credit, bank, drivers licence, social insurance, and anything else important on one card. Maybe put a few buttons on it and abilities to communicate with databases. So it would be like, “Hmm, I think I’ll pay my visa now.” <<zap>> “Excellent, that button I just pushed on this card just paid my visa bill.” This would mean my wallet would shed so much weight. The environment would be saved because no company would be cutting down trees to print library cards anymore. (This card would be plastic or perhaps a light alloy)
This message is for Dennis [12:21]
I’m really glad that you’re updating again. I mean, I like reading your updates and all, but I’m really unimpressed. Why you ask? How dare you!
I am usually the one that says no one is updating! And I AM the one who usually updates the most! You usurper! How dare you update more than me! That’s blasphemous! I will regain that crown of glory now! You swine!
A new unrelated update [12:22]
I just updated about wanting to update more than Dennis.
Another unrelated update that just sprang up in my head [12:23]
Woohoo, that’s 4 updates now… even though they’re in the same 20 minute timeframe.
Yeah. [12:24]
You get the idea now. Muahahahaha, I again update the most. Dennis, you never update anymore.
