A Different Kind of Update pt 2

October 31, 2001

Following up on my last update, if someone chooses a job they do not feel passionate about then the only thing that motivates them is fear. Fear that they can’t pay the bills, fear that they can’t buy the latest software or hardware or clothing or food, fear that they will be looked upon as not successful, fear that they will be looked down upon by others who choose they path. They may strive for the money but will they be good workers?

Other than the minimum, why would they choose to work more? Is it for the promotion? Is it for the 2% pay increase each year? A company can throw benefit after benefit in efforts to motivate their employees so that they become more productive. You have pension benefits, insurance, company picnics, company cars. All these things add up to something like 25-50% of labour costs I believe. The goal is to motivate their employees - does it work?

I will argue that they do not. If you don’t feel passionate about the work, why would throwing in some more money or benefit make you think otherwise? Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad. That book explains a whole lot better what I mean that people work out of fear.

The other side of the yard is that if someone feels motivated about what they’re doing, there’s no need for the benefits - well, actually, the benefits make the job even better. But the person is doing the job for its intrinsic value, not economic value. The difference is if a person loves their job, the extra incentives create a positive value for the worker - that is, the numerical value of their happiness increases. If a person does it for pay, they only tolerate the job up to a certain value - adding incentives only makes a negative value less negative. I guess in this model it is possible to create a positive job given enough incentives - who knows. I’m not a model modelist.

Do I sound like a raving madman? I feel that I’m speaking the unspoken or the opposite of all that people hold true.

I’m not bashing any particular field of work either. What I don’t like may be the driving force of passion for another person. That’s what makes this world great - diversity. Otherwise, everyone would would want to be astronauts cause you know that is the best job in the world - or out of the world.

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A Different Kind of Update

October 29, 2001

I had a revelation today about my way of thinking.

Firstly I guess it started when I got back my auditing midterm and i see that I got 62%. That really shocked me because I could have sworn I knew the answers, but I guess my answers were not specific enough to warrant marks. That’s ok.

Afterwards, I felt rather depressed because I truly studied for the test. I really did. But my effort paid off in the form of a 62% and that really made me think. Well it’s no secret to you folks that I don’t fit accounting. I’ve mentioned that so many times. The accounting firms seem to agree because only 2 gave me interviews and the possibility of a job seems miniscule. Something else I’ve come to notice is that the school I’m in is not exactly for me neither. It just doesn’t seem right to me and I do mean only me because the school itself is great.

That really burst a big bubble because ever since I was 14 or 15 or something, I wanted to be rich. I wanted to be involved in business and possibly equity markets. I figured that UBC Commerce would be the way to that road. I thought if I studied really hard, interviewed really well, I could jump on that train headed towards wherever it was I wanted to be.

The ultimate goal of all this was to make money. That was my prime goal. To get a good job, sure, that was really just a means to attain money.

Ever since I got into accounting, I thought that the money would be there because accountants make pretty good dirt. I then realized that even though the money was good, I don’t think I would be very happy working in an accounting firm. But still - it was money.

That was my mistake because this thinking constrained the possibilities. I was feeling nauseous that since my marks weren’t cutting it, I wouldn’t be getting those jobs and therefore wouldn’t be making the money. Well I was thinking of this all day and feeling self-pity for the boy who just couldn’t cut it. It was about 8:00pm when I realized I’ve been going about all this the wrong way.

I’ve been thinking that money was the goal and that a job or a career would be the vehicle to get there. All this time I’ve been thinking backwards - it’s the other way around. It’s the job that is the goal and money is just really a side effect. The only true way I can ever be happy is if the job I’ll be doing is something that I truly think is right. Then I thought about that. I always thought the ideal job would be something to do with trading or investing or financial planning or some other crap but with this notion that money was just a side effect, those jobs seemed meaningless now.

I’ve heard so many ’success stories’ about successful people in the business world who would go around chanting that the number one priority is love your job. I’ve heard it so many times that it just fades into the background. The fact remains is they were in the 6 digit salary figure and that was the big trumpet blast I heard.

Now I thought about what job would make me be happy. Being happy is being passionate about something. No, “teaching english to japanese people” (anonymous) is not something that makes me feel passionate. I have many things that do so finding a way to make a living out of them is only a matter of time.

I feel a big monkey has been clubbed off my back because now I don’t have to worry about getting into the corporate world and making corporate monies. I now want to do something because I believe in it, not because I believe in the side effects of it.

The wheels are in motion.

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Woooohoooo

October 24, 2001

One more midterm and I’ll be in the freezone for awhile. The one today was harder than I thought, but I didn’t do too badly, I whupped a substantial amount of the thing. Woooohoooo.

My elbow is really hurting now. I think this is what tennis elbow is. I now know that after overextending the elbow playing volleyball should not be treated with more overextending of the elbow with more volleyball. I’m playing volleyball this friday too doh, but I’m planning to to serve or spike. My serve really sucked last week because I was holding back as to not hurt the elbow too much. But today, it was grueling because every time my arm bends in a certain way, a sharp jolt of writhing pain shoots up the arm. Ouchie.

Tomorrow I have an interview with a smaller sized accounting firm. I don’t expect to get a second interview but I’ll try my best. I have another one on friday. Wish me luck but not too much luck because I’m still not sure if accounting is my thing.

I got my ticket confirmed and in less than two months I’ll be with my baby once again. Woooohoooo.

This is a MUST see. It is hilarious. It’s The World According To America. I don’t know who made it but it was sent to a friend of mine who sent it to a friend of mine who sent it to me.

I have much more to say but I’ll save it for later. As for tonight, I will enjoy the non-studying I will be doing. I earned it.

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What happened to that Uncle Cracker song that was on 25 times an hour?

October 22, 2001

I don’t know. I like that song because it was so simple and catchy. Dennis‘ latest update is so full of energy - he must have really gotten better because he was almost reaching out of his webpage and shaking you by the shoulders. YEEAARGHHHH or something. I need some energy now.

I’m going to complain about my midterms again. Tomorrow I’m going to get back the one I wrote last Thursday. I know it’s bad. I’m not talking about people who say they do bad but pull 80, 90, 95%. I’m talking about, I know it’s at most 65%. Ok I’m fine with that, I can’t change whether I do well or not anymore so it’s a by-gone. There’s one on Wednesday that I just can’t bring myself to study for. It’s on 6 chapters, basically a memorization and chatty chatty midterm, and I read 5 out of the 6 chapters before already (yeah I actually did some reading this term). So there’s all the motivation for studying. Then there’s one next Monday that I don’t give a rat’s ass about.

I suck in school. I remember when I got 2 B’s and the rest A’s in high school. Now look at me. It’s 2 B’s and the rest… < B’s, maybe. But high school didn’t mean shit anyway. I learned something that I could have if I went to the library or a bookstore by myself. In fact, 80% of my courses now apply to that theory too. Too bad libraries don’t test for knowledge and hand out papers with M.BA stamped on it.

Emails
What would be the most memorizable email address? The one I give out nowadays is jerry*jvision.ca. So when people ask, I say, <jerry> <at> <jay> <vision> <dot> <see> <eh>. Still, it’s kind of long. I guess for me the best email would be jerry*leung.com, but I’d have to register leung.com but it’s already taken by a guy called Jackson. Incidentally, his email is jackson@leung.com. Maybe I can buy an email alias from him.

My jerry*jvision.ca is probably the best email I have. Compare it to leung*smartt.com, jeleung*hotmail.com, or my work address leung*mail.cstudies.ubc.ca (which is really an alias for an easier jerry.leung*ubc.ca). Doh.

Oh yeah, replace the *’s with @’s. I’m just afraid some bot is going to crawl around and copy down those emails and spam me big time (none of you go do that ok?). But my contact page has those emails anyway. Doh.

Some Links I Found
Spammimic - hide secret messages in spam messages that look almost like a real spam message. It just shows how easy it is for terrorists to communicate and make it hell for authorities to track. They say Echelon and Carnivore ignore spam, so voila, hide messages in the stuff they throw out.

Martial Arts TRICKZ - teaches you how to do cool kicks that do wonders at exhibitions but don’t work shit in a real fight. Pretty impressive though - you have to be super fit, flexible, and strong to be able to pull of some of this stuff.

Lastly, a Martial Arts FAQ - this thing is huge. It’s the most comprehensive writing about martial arts I’ve ever read. Actually I haven’t finished reading it. If you’ve ever wondered about something about MA, chances are it’s in here.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I am back in training a bit - my elbow is still killing me. I wince in pain every time I twitch it at a certain angle. People stare at me and think I’m crazy but the pain is real.

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My head hurts

October 21, 2001

First let’s look at my ra2 adventures. After my last update, I lost something like 4 or 5 games in a row. I think what happened was once my rank number somewhat settled in to an equilibrium, the server was matching me with harder opponents who proved too hard. My rank fell to 11,000 something. Doh I thought. Had I already levelled off? Well no. I played a couple more times today and my rank is now 7700 something. I found out the reason why I sucked. Almost all those losses came from maps involving islands. This means in the game, you’ll have to figure out ways to get your guys onto the other side’s island. In a regular map, you just roll/walk your way there. I don’t really know how to play islands so I got rocked.

Ok that’s enough of that.

Crapulence surrounds because I haven’t done any studying this weekend. I figure there’s time later. I’m piling up things to do and all day long I watch tv and play ra2. I don’t even want to go out anymore, not without my girlfriend. In fact, it’s been awhile since I ‘went out’. I feel fine though. I get my social interaction at work.

Ok let’s take a peek at my T2DL (things to do list):

I guess the only ones that matter are studying and the webpages. Boy am I sick of all of those right now.

I got another interview with an accounting firm. That makes 2 out of 13 or something. I beat my record last year by 100%. I hate this. I’m tired of the system. I’m tired of everything, except dreaming.

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I skipped my 8:30 class because I was too tired”

October 19, 2001

I say that every Friday. Anyway, first will be about that midterm yesterday. Aargh. There were 4 questions that test 3 topics. I didn’t finish in time. Damn it. I studied every night for at least 3 hours since Sunday and during the day yesterday. I’m expecting maybe 65% if the ones I did are ok. Well with that completion it means my stress level is cut by 65% too because I have 2 more midterms that I don’t really give a rat’s ass about.

To Dennis:
This is weird but I was just thinking after your update on the 16th that you should go into graphics. I thought this because you have been tinkering with graphics for awhile. I remember you talking about some opengl something something a long time ago (I didn’t understand then so it’s just a fuzz to me now). I hope you do get that job because you deserve it. I have never seen anyone work as much as this boy. Have fun running around in the rice fields when you’re in China.

To Michelle:
You can’t usurp my 8900th position because after my midterm last night, I played the game and was killed by a guy far superior to me. Damnit. But that’s ok being 8901 is still pretty good to me. And when you mention, ‘the boy‘, it reminds me of Curious George…

Curious George was in the park with, ‘the man‘, with the yellow hat. George and, ‘the man‘ with the yellow hat were having a great time…

See? Hehe. You mention the boy in every one of your updates now. No one I know mentions their boyfriend or girlfriend in their updates, except maybe Dennis too.

I love Eri, who just messaged me that she’s sleeping now right when I wake up. Doh. Since no one else is updating, I won’t write any more personal messages. Poo to you.

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This will be an update about RA2

October 17, 2001

Red Alert 2 that is. Sorry Dennis, as much as I would like to get my ass kicked in Rocket Arena by you, I’m hooked on Red Alert right now. Man it’s so damn fun.

(I know I have a midterm tomorrow, but I deserved a break. I studied 5 hours straight today. I’m very sick and tired of debiting interest expenses and finding gains and losses on debt extinguishment and all that other jargon.)

When I started playing on the 15th, I think I was ranked maybe 30,000+ something. I played about 10 games in total so far - I only lost once! Woohoo. I think I’m doing pretty well for a newbie. The game keeps track of your stats for you and assigns you a number ranking based on points and what rank your opponent was. After these 10 games, I’m ranked 8900+. I think that’s a pretty big jump (for a newbie that is). I don’t know what ranks the people I played were but I think half of them are crappy people because the server automatically matches players around the same ranking in a Quick Game.

What’s great about the game is that it’s not micro-management biased. Sure it helps, but the benefits of micro’ing are minimal (maybe the top rankers will beg to differ). But for me, it’s all about strategy. After my first game/loss, I learned to somewhat mix different units up for a better attack. I even managed to fend off different kinds of rushes too (I’m especially proud of that because in starcraft 2, I still get pissed off thinking about the time when one of my friends sent 4 zealots and killed me and I had to wait 45 minutes before they played another game. I had to play stupid Rainbow Six while I waited.)

And I’m surprised that the other players are nice. In Quake 3, when you waste people, many of them start acting nasty and call you a cheat and start stupid flame wars. I’ve played tonnes of really nice people who didn’t care that I was a newbie that beat them. Heh heh heh.

I know I’ll eventually get bored of it, but since time is limited right now due to midterms, each game will be so much fun. After the midterms though, I give it a week before I quit.

Ok, my resting hour is up. Back to the books. Bye bye bye.

Jerry wrote this in: Default
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That is some intense action

October 15, 2001

I just played my very first multiplayer Red Alert 2 game today. I lost, but not as bad as I thought I would. It’s so intense. I did everything alright I suppose except my most fatal error was massing on one kind of unit. It killed most of his forward defenses but he was prepared for it. By that time, all the resources were drained and we were both relying on 8 oil derricks for resources which doesn’t go very far. I THEN realized that the secret was covering all the bases but it was too late. He was already air raiding my split-off which wasn’t too heavily anti-air defended. He even built anti-air ships on a map that didn’t have too much water - but I now know he did it because Aegis Cruisers are probably the best anti-air available.

I made one more rush and I managed to kill of 4 of his oil derricks before losing all the forces, but then again, so did he and he had about 5 tanks left over. I had small stationary defences that wouldn’t hold and I was out of resources. I surrendered. It was so fun though - my hands were freezing cold and I could feel sweat running down my back. The only other game that did that was Doom II (you know, the one where I whupped Dennis everytime, despite what he’ll say on his webpage… probably later tonight… hehe).

But anyway, if you do play Red Alert 2 and if you want to play against someone who has a 0-1 record in his whole RA2 career, please email me or ICQ me or Messenger me or whatever the hell we have.

Since 99% of you don’t play, maybe I’ll write about something else
The Sims! The Sims are great. Just kidding. Dennis is busy drawing a labrador retriever or something on his computer and Michelle is probably rolling around the floor scheming on ways to take vengeance for not wishing her a happy birthday. And I guess those are the ONLY two who ever update their webpages. You know, no one is updating at all. Hint hint Jesse and Justin.

By the by. What are your feelings about air travel now? Obviously people are scared since airlines have reduced earnings forecast and friends of friends of friends have been telling people there are many empty seats on their flights. But what about YOU? I don’t know if this is correct or not but wouldn’t now be the safest time to travel by air due to the increased security and controls? Fares are somewhat cheaper too. There have been more anthrax cases. I’m sick of hearing the word Anthrax. It used to be a cool sounding word but now it’s just annoying, much like ‘Not’ or ‘Like’ - two words overused by stupid teenagers.

Time to study now. Here I go.

Some Deep Reflection [00:05]
Actually I’m writing this fifteen minutes before the stated time but by the time it’s finished, it should be 12:05.

I wasted an entire day today. I’m very not proud of it but I needed a day of relaxation. Let’s take a look at what I did today. I played a lot of The Sims. That game is awesome. It’s not even really a game. There’s no explicit goal - you can make your Sim become a successful career person or you can create a crazy, lonely, toilet-lacking Sim. It’s great. Currently I’m tending a couple who have just bought a nice lot and created walls for a dream house. Sadly, they ran out of funds and their nice house has no carpeting or wallpaper. The house is so big that they use up a small bit of energy just walking from their room to the kitchen area. I plan to make more people live in it later.

—
Since I joined that Blockbusters ‘Rewards’ thingy, I had $2 off a rental this month. Since I was planning to waste today anyway, I went out and got Little Nicky - Adam Sandler. It’s not very good. It has a few funny moments when he gets hit by trains and stuff but… blech. I guess I’m comparing it to the Happy Gilmour / Waterboy par line.

—
I mentioned to Dennis that material things don’t make me happy anymore. I’m glad that I’ve transcended this shallowness but in a way, I don’t like it. Why you ask? Well, I look around me and so many people find pleasure in buying something new. I like buying things for the utility it will provide, but other than that, I’m not really happier. I wasn’t like this before.

I do find pleasure in simple things though. Enjoying a poutine once in awhile is bliss. Leaning on a tree in the summer is pure heaven. I’d trade anything I own for a nice sunny day where I can be doing the things I enjoy. But it doesn’t go the other way.

I’m finding it gets harder and harder to keep myself happy. I mean, if I could just buy something and poof here comes the happiness, that would be great. But I need substance more than glitter. I need to know that what I’m doing is right and worth the effort. That makes me happy. I enjoy the means more than the ends. What was that old saying?

The journey is its own reward.

—
I heard that the band Anthrax is considering to change its name due to the recent awareness of the bacteria with the same name. They don’t want to be linked to something bad or some crap like that. Kind of stupid. They should name themselves the Fuzzy Bunnies with Pink Noses because then they’ll never be linked to bad things. (Unless Al-Quaida trains fuzzy bunnies with pink noses to crash planes into buildings).

—
I wonder if somewhere out there, there are similar people with similiar thoughts. I think I’m a freak because I don’t think like ‘normal’ people. I take some pride in that I guess. The status quo scares me. It’s filled with bright colors and sparklies that will eventually fall apart under its own weight. Muhahaha.

—
Don’t you love how I segment different ideas and separate them with —’s? I guess I’ll whine another time. Bye.

PS. I love my girlfriend. This is to prove that I do talk about my girlfriend in every update.

Jerry wrote this in: Default
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Doh I guess I did forget…

October 14, 2001

Hi everybody. Michelle was right. I did forget to wish her a happy birthday. So, I want all my webpage’s visitors to wish her a happy belated birthday (which would be just Dennis anyway I think). I guess I’m only 31 minutes late… doh. [sorry!] Happy Birthday!

So I was doing homework all day again… kind of. It was one of those days where I set out that I would finish the assignments for one particular class. In this case, English. I had to write two things - an expanded definition about depreciation and a report proposal for a formal report. Plus I read the book to see how specifically to go about on these two things. Had I worked straight without breaks, I think it would have taken me maybe 4 hours? Maybe a little less. But in reality, it took me from 3:00pm to 11:00pm. Minus a 1 hour dinner, 2 hours watching Happy Gilmour and parts of The Patriot, 1 hour playing Red Alert 2, 2 hours playing The Sims, and some time talking to Eri, bathing, and a few insignificant things (like looking for my wallet). I guess it works out to be around 4 hours anyway but I feel I just wasted so much time on it.

That’s why I hate studying at home. I don’t study. I wander off and waste all my time. This damn computer is usually the biggest magnet of them all! I have to study tomorrow for real.

—
It looks like I was correct in assuming that my future in accounting was basically over. I got one lousy interview from the mass of job applications. To make it even sadder, that one interview was secured because someone who worked there helped me get that interview. I’m going about assuming that this one interview isn’t going to be a successful one too.

I blame this on two things - firstly, I don’t want to be an accountant and on some unconscious level I must’ve screwed myself over to avoid it and second, my grades sucked cow which must’ve made me look really stupid to those big big companies. That’s ok though. Better I not get in and waste a bunch of years. But now I have to really look at what’s to become of me. I really want to get in to the whole investing thing. I’m not too happy with equity investing so I think I’ll learn a lot more on debt and then see what happens.

I haven’t done anything else to my big secret art project because time has been a bitch that has been avoiding me all this week… and probably the next three. Lousy ungrateful time.

—
Anthrax is a lousy thing. I love Eri.

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That wasn’t too bad was it?

October 10, 2001

Before I update, after I updated about the pictures of faces in the smoke in the wtc attacks, I found this webpage. It’s filled with these faces and filled with even more speculation. And if you’re looking for a way to vent your anger towards Bin Laden, here’s a great little activity.

Ok.

I guess I’ll start this update for real now. It’s not even close to my birthday, but if you’re interested in buying me something because you’re struck by my charm and good nature, then here’s something I really want - 20lb weights that can be strapped onto the legs or arms I guess. I’ve been working with 5 and 10lbs and they’re too light now. Only $28US!!! Buy a set for me and I’ll show you some results quickly.

Yesterday and today have been two of the hardest working days for me in terms of school work. I think I accomplished 5 out of 6 objectives (the unfinished one is cleaning my desk). I read about 3 hours today - I’ve never done that out of exam time. Tomorrow will be another mad homework night, but I think I’ll be able to get used to it soon. 1 Midterm / Week for the next 3 weeks. Not bad.

Dennis’ laptop is the only one I’ve ever known to be running Linux. I never even knew it could happen. Sounds cool though. No one who browses at his laptop will know what he’s running. I know people who don’t know what Linux is (and I only know of it, I don’t know too many of the commands).

I went and bought two books about conditioning today - against my thin thin wallet’s wishes. One of them is for sports and the other is more martial art oriented. I love them both. Once I’m free from the shackles of homework, I’ll be putting those books to test. Today I spent an hour on the nice and heavy punching bag at the Birdcoop. My knuckles are so raw and I shredded skin big time. It hurts like a cow but they’re glory marks… glory for … beating up a punching bag.

And I’m still working on that art project - it’s not really moving too far. I’ll tell you one thing about it - it’s entitled Visions, kind of like my webpage. I wish I can show you the final result now, I’m quite proud of myself for just thinking of the concept.

I’ll end with a link to a really nice desktop design webpage that’s super helpful for idiots like me.

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Happy Thanksgiving I guess

October 08, 2001

Do people even celebrate Thanksgiving anymore? I mean, how many turkey dinner dealies still exist for Thanksgiving in Canada? I get the turkey on Christmas or New Years, but I don’t think I have done anything out of the ordinary for Thanksgiving.

I got my long long hair cut off. It feels so good to not have hair poking in your eyes, or your mom telling you that you can make a small ponytail. Yeah. Thanks for reassuring your son’s masculinity (and Dennis owes me a purse).

I’m sick of reading accounting books. I’ve been doing that since I got home today in the afternoon. One more chapter tonight and that’s it. Then it’s writing a group project… nay, patching a group report from other member’s contributions. Blech. I’m tired.

Then I have this drawing project to work on. It’s going to be so great. I love it already. It’s not often that an accounting student gets creative bursts such as this… muahaha, if Picasso could make balance sheets, he would be me. I’m assuming you are wondering just what this ‘project’ is. You probably want me to tell you.

Anyway, 2nd airstrike today. Nothing new. I’m really tired of hearing about this stuff. I wish it would all go away and we can get back to our real news of how ducks are stuck in sewers and our local heroic police department valiantly rescues them. You know, real news that really matters. <cough cough>

Isn’t it great that I’m updating daily now? It feels great to be back baby.

“Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow” - Aesop (~550 BC)
I’ve been aware that many people have been seeing so called demons or faces in the smoke that billowed out of the wtc towers. Many of these pictures have been posted on artbell.com with even more comments. Here are two pages of just a bunch of them on the site [one & two]. This isn’t the first time faces have been seen anywhere. People see images of Mary or Jesus on windows, billboards, clouds, everything.

The human optical system forms familiar shapes and images when we see abstract things. It’s just the way our brain works. Many psychology books have examples of this. Aren’t these shadow faces just a more complex example of this phenomena?

I don’t know. That’s just what I think. Some people should really just reflect on this before screaming to the world that some divine being showed up on their picture of smoke or in their mash potatoes.

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“We are ready for jihad.”

October 07, 2001

Fuck. I hate waking up from a comfortable sleep to find out some horrible thing has happened. My mom tells me, “They’re at war”. Fuck.

I guess it was unavoidable. The states have been moving in troops and planes into the region all month. It just hit me that now they are really fighting. I really didn’t want a war. I don’t think that killing more people will solve anything. This fighting only leads to more hatred and more killing that will never bring back any person who died at 9/11. Justice? I don’t know if killing off the governing body is justice.

Someone in Pakistan mentioned that the States’ attack is a terrorist attack - that is weird huh? I guess whoever’s on the receiving side will always view it as a terrorist attack. The only noble attack to me is if each country sends one fighter. They go at it, no rounds, no time limit, no weapons, and to the death. The winning side takes all.

They’re hitting the ‘personal residences of the Taliban’. Great. Piss them off even more. We’ve seen that these extremists are able to pull big shit off. I don’t think bombing their houses does much to prevent future calamities. Of course, much like Yugoslavia, they bombed off their power right away. And my god, Afghan’s anti-air can’t even reach the altitudes the US recon planes fly? That’s pathetic! They are so going to get whupped. They are so going to find Bin Laden and execute his martyr ass (or terrorist ass, depends on which side you’re from). But then the thousands of other terrorists seeded around the globe will go into religious berserker mode and wreak armageddon upon us. I bet that one of you has an extremist living close to you. I bet.

Here’s a surprise - stocks were up.

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Byebu

October 06, 2001

I saw Eri off yesterday at the airport. It has been a month already doh. It was super fun of course but I neglected my schoolwork completely. I am so backed up with work and reading that I will again have no life for at least a week. I mean literally all reading and homework. Doh. It’s worth it.

My digital camera has been screwy for the past week. I havea a feeling it’s the rechargeable batteries no longer operating at optimal - they were bought at Radio Shack… hint hint. They only lasted a year whereas other brands I’ve tried lasted years and years. Or maybe it’s my camera that’s busted after only one year of use. that would suck shit seeing I don’t have any money left to buy something like that.

Dennis has released a song from his band. As a person who enjoys metal, I have to say the guitaring is superb. Fast paced, high energy makes-me-want-to-smash-stuff feel: that’s what metal is. I’m actually listening to it right now to see what else I can say about it. My favorite part is where I can’t understand what the vocals are about. (hehe) This band is going places.

And I’m starting to clean up my place again. The living room is half clean - I can see the carpet now! It’s amazing how some books and papers can make such a big heap with such little materials. I had this great idea for this drawing book I’m starting. That’s all.

What a shitty update. I don’t have anything better to say except I just felt like writing about what I did today.

That’s all.

Jerry wrote this in: Default
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“Fits in your Wallet”

October 03, 2001

I hate things that fit in your wallet. I was at blockbusters yesterday and they now have some sort of “rewards” dealy where you pay $10 and you get $2 off a rental every month, a free rental on your birthday, and they’ll forgive you twice if you return something late. To top that off, the movie I was renting at the time was also free. I got the damn thing because there’s 2 free rentals in it which almost makes up the $10 anyway. Besides, I NEVER go out on my birthday anymore so I might as well get a video. That sounds so sad.

Anyways, they give you a little book that “fits in your wallet”. It does not fit in your wallet unless your wallet can handle something about 0.5cm thick. I mean, the book will go into one of the slots, but after that, the wallet feels super chunky and heavy and not comfortable to put into your pockets. Does that count as fit? We have too many things that fit in wallets nowadays. All those ID cards, credit cards, library cards, wallet-sized pictures, coins, paper bills, and all that stuff. Our wallets are overstressed! Who’s going to look out for our wallets?

You know, the girls have it set. They have those big wallets and those purses that they use to carry a whole lot more stuff than we men do. When are we men going to wake up and realize we need those big wallets too? Right now my wallet is split by functionality. The left side is my identification side - anything that can be used to ID me is there: driver’s licence, birth certificate, student card, SIN, etc. The right side is my everything-else side: blockbusters rental, hallmark stampy card, bubble tea stampy cards, etc. If I used one of those big wallets, I’d be able to sort both sides even further… like… uh… school-use stuff, entertainment stuff, eating stuff, etc.

So I see three solutions to this problem.

Make bigger wallets the norm of society

make wallet items smaller OR bigger

multipurpose card

This message is for Dennis [12:21]
I’m really glad that you’re updating again. I mean, I like reading your updates and all, but I’m really unimpressed. Why you ask? How dare you!

I am usually the one that says no one is updating! And I AM the one who usually updates the most! You usurper! How dare you update more than me! That’s blasphemous! I will regain that crown of glory now! You swine!

A new unrelated update [12:22]
I just updated about wanting to update more than Dennis.

Another unrelated update that just sprang up in my head [12:23]
Woohoo, that’s 4 updates now… even though they’re in the same 20 minute timeframe.

Yeah. [12:24]
You get the idea now. Muahahahaha, I again update the most. Dennis, you never update anymore.

Jerry wrote this in: Default
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Can’t Sleep

October 01, 2001

I do my best thinking in the time span between jumping into bed and falling asleep. It’s my critical thinking time, I think. It works best when after the thinking I fall asleep and put those thoughts into dream cycles to run different scenarios to find different outcomes.

I am a machine.

Like all machines, I sometimes malfunction and here I am at 2 in the freakin morning updating my forsaken website.

I am a machine with issues.

Not big psychological deep-down-hire-shrink issues, but I guess the word would be ‘hang-ups’. They cause me to freeze in life and everything that ever was to me would become stagnant - much like the economy we live in.

I am a machine with issues on down time and I need coffee.

Yes. But I’m not alone. Eri can’t sleep too. She decided to pop a video in the video machine while I update on the webpage machine. I get the feeling that sometimes I update too much about things that go wrong, or things that suck, or things that just plain piss me off. I might be pulling off the wrong impression that I’m out there to find sympathy from you, the dear reader, who might, on some inner level, know what I’m thinking about and say, “Hey, Jerry, you’re right. I feel bad for you and I wish it goes better.”

No. That’s not my goal. Right?

No. I write because I write. You read because you read. I write, you read. Simple Simplicity. No matter. My problem: I’m not advancing in anything. I’m in the same position where I was a year ago, or 2 years ago, or maybe even 3 years ago. I’m same. I’m not moving. I’m not evolving. I’m not improving.

In other words, I’m letting everyone/everything else improve while I remain same, which means I’m actually getting worse relative to everything else. I hate that. I make all these great ambitious plans and set short/long term objectives that are somewhat attainable but just need a lot of work. I know I can do it. I just can’t get past the first step of doing that lot of work part. I’m a LMF. Ack.

For example; I bumped into someone from my highschool who I spoke to on occassion (which means I never spoke to him). I didn’t care about him before. He was one of those who melded into the shadows and not a soul would ever notice him. <Vanity>I always thought of myself as somewhat better than him </Vanity>. Yet, here we are, 4 years after high school, and he comes over and talks to me. He knew my name and it took me awhile before I realized it was him. I mean, god, this boy has changed. And here I am and I haven’t changed. I’m still stuck in this rut.

Now here’s what I will do.

I don’t like being complacent (sp?). I don’t like people who complain and bitch without planning action. In my mind, all the answers are already there, waiting for me to do them. I will do them. Soon. I think I’ll begin when my significant other returns home and I’ll have a lot more free time. I know what to do which is a good thing. So, there’s no need for you, dear reader, to message me with some sort of moral or <gulp> anecdote about some past event that I probably don’t really want to know anyway. I’ll get by. I’ll survive.

Thanks for reading. Here’s your reward - it’s my inspiration.

PS. I wonder what happened to all my visitors I used to have. Oh well.

Jerry wrote this in: Default
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