My Life In A Nutshell
May 30, 2000
I really feel that my life can fit in a nutshell. For some time now, I feel my life has been stripped one sliver at a time and now all I have left is the core of my once illustrious life. I don’t know why I feel this way because everything in my life is to a degree, going smoothly. School is done, work is great, I go have fun many times a week, I eat right, I sleep long hours. I don’t get it.
For those who read my every word, you’ll remember that I mentioned once that I need direction in life or else I crumble into pieces and fail miserably at everything I do. Do I have direction? I really don’t know now. I mean, there’s the usual, do well in school, get in shape, be happy, and the generic stuff but so what if I achieve this? Does it really make me a better person? I used to think so but now I’m rethinking these issues.
Like the many times I redesign this webpage, I think I’m going into a redesign of my life. Things have changed a lot in the past 8 months, most of them out of my control. My old way of thinking isn’t working too well under these new conditions and I fear if I continue like this, I’ll fall into a hole I once lived in.
What does this all mean? Well, I’m unhappy. I’m very unhappy. I smile at work, I laugh with friends, and I amuse myself by singing in front of the monitor but I know deep inside that I’m lying to myself. I lack something, or maybe I lost something. I’m not sure anymore. I feel like my body is hollow in the inside, as if what made me ME was stolen, perhaps by life itself.
This was all building up for a very long time now, I just dismissed it as loneliness or boredom. How can I be always so bored when I go out five times a week, on top of that, work in a fun environment? Again, I don’t know. The only answer I can come up with is that I go out to stop myself from thinking about all this crap and when I’m home with nothing to do, all that crap just floods my mind again. That’s why I hate staying home so much.
Who out there wants to be unhappy? No one most likely. I don’t want to be unhappy. I want motivation. I used to get motivation from people I’m romantically attached to… as if I’m doing everything in my life for them. Now that is really stupid of me. Firstly, all those people that gave me this motivation, I look back now and realize they weren’t worth their weight in salt.
There is, however, one who I still hold in high regard. One who, as Jerry Mcguire put it, “completes me”. One who makes me feel my life is worth living and I too can find this mystery called “love”. As cruel as life is to me, she cannot be part of my life. For reasons and barriers that sadden me much. I have never experienced this feeling called love but I do know if I were to fall in love, it would be with her. Life is a bitch because the only good thing in my life is right out of reach.
Sad as that may sound, that’s the least of my problems right now. I have so many issues with so many things that I think I can start my own daily comic strip.
So is to become of my life and all the misery that surrounds it? Manic depression perhaps? Hysterical outcries on this very webpage? Suicide perhaps? No. No. No. (Well, actually, yes to the hysterical outcries on this webpage). I despise people who back into a corner and whimper at their sadness. I mock people who think they can do nothing to get themselves into a better place. And I kick those who say they’re worthless or pathetic (partly because kicking people makes me feel better about myself).
No. I rarely give up in anything I do and I will never give up in this quest that we all call life. It ain’t over until I’m dead. By god I know I’m not gonna die, I’m invincible. I am not a normal average person. I’m beyond.
If you would like to help me in this quest, send $5 to Happy Guy, c/o Homer Simpson, 123 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield.
Breaking news
May 02, 2000
Sorry, no new design just yet, but this is more important. This is to announce of my greatest achievement ever: I got a C- in stats! Which means I passed… I PASSED!!!! I FREAKIN’ PASSED! It’s the greatest thing that could happen this term!
Doh. That means on my transcript, there will be 2 blemishes now, stats and accounting, the only 2 C’s out of my A/B card. Haha. Woohoo! Glorious glorious day!
Still working on the design. And playing with my neat little new electric organizer. And Dragon is bitching too much. More on that later. GLORIOUS DAY!
Press Announcement
May 01, 2000
This site will no longer be. The next update will be in the new design. So far, Dennis and Andrew have seen it and their comments helped the JV Special Interests Group decide on the update. It will use the interface showcased on 04/29, although JV_Photoshop Guy still thinks he can make something better. I think it still looks good and so it will be up.
Dennis is creating a pool on how long the new design will last. Go place your bets now. Hell, I would want to join. But in the meantime, I have some stuff to port over… sigh so many pictures.
So, this design will head to Geocities (along with Dragon! hahaha) and the new design will rule the world. My Geocities page is getting cluttered and full and redundant (a lot of identical files in different locations) gotta clean that up later.
Huzzah.
