Revisited: Super Saiyan
January 28, 2000
After the last depressing read, I decided to start training again. Remember the read of me saying how I had so much energy and I was constantly training? This has begun again. Since the last update, I’ve trained everynight, for a few hours at a time, remembering old training routines from my kung fu days past. Old punch and kick methods, new focus methods… the works. Awesome.
And no more feeling blue – well, at least the feelings are minimized. All I think about is just training and more training. Awesome. Just the way I like it. Also, my cigarette addiction seems to have calmed too. Didn’t have one today and only had 1 yesterday (that’s a big big improvement compared to before).
Need to train more. No time for studying. No time for quake. Well I’m updating because I just finished training and I’m so beat. You know that feeling when you do pushups to a point where your body is about to give but not quite yet? Your arms kind of numb out and you slowly do those pushups. My whole body feels like that right now. Aargh. But it’ll all be worth it.
All training and no play make me a dull boy so tomorrow, wait… I mean today, I’m going to karaoke with some friends! Yeah! Haven’t done that in awhile. My stupid cough isn’t going to help my singing skills though (meager as they may be).
More DBZ: stupid YTV has been airing the new dubbed english version for awhile now but they keep resetting the series after episode 57 when Gokou kicks the shit out of Recoome of the Ginyu force. Maybe they haven’t finished dubbing the other episodes, I doubt it though. Dammit. I want to finish off that saga.
Anyway, I’m still a long way before hitting Super Saiyan (ahhahaah) so back to training. Bye.
The loneliest heart is the one that doesn’t know it’s alone
January 24, 2000
I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately about shit, because, a lot of shit has happened this little while. For those of you close to me, you’ll understand what kinds of shits I’m referring to. It’s made me realize that you really have to know what’s good around you. Pause from what you’re doing and take a look up… take a good look. You’ll be surprised when you look that you might have missed a lot of good stuff.
I admit. I took a lot of things for granted: friends, awesome family, good health, smarts (just a little), and a myriad of other things. I still do. It’s just that a lot of things have changed and will never be the same now. I hate all this change. I didn’t want change – I hate change.
I guess it was a dream I was in where everything stayed the way it was. Things were almost perfect before. Then something took that perfection away from my life. Was it God? Fate? Destiny? I don’t know. I was angry at all this change. I was angry at myself because I couldn’t stop it. Half of my life was torn away and the rest of me was left in shambles.
I know now that this is part of life. Life is the pursuit of truth and truth hurts. It hurts like a bitch. Yet, there’s nothing we can do to stop this. As noble a creature we humans are, we are still part of this fragile balance of life.
I’m not afraid of change, not anymore. No one should be afraid of change because it’s inevitable. There was a point where I stopped and asked myself, "How am I going to go on now?". I didn’t know. My life just paused. You probably won’t know what I’m talking about. Pretend you’re a baby and you had a rattle that you held on to all day long and never let it go. It’s just a rattle but it was YOUR rattle. Now imagine that rattle being ripped out of your hands and you’re sitting there, wondering where that rattle is and what are you going to hold on to now. That’s kind of what it feels like.
There’s a chinese saying, when loosely translated equals, "If you can pick it up, you can let it go." I’ve been thinking about that saying a lot too, about how I should let go of the past and continue on towards the future.
Well, here I am, about to continue on towards the future. I take a look and see nothing. I turn around and look at the already distant past, again, I see nothing. I turn around and see what’s around me: nothing.
I’m in a void. Bruce Lee’s Tao of Jeet Kune Do mentioned a void where, "there is nothing which it excludes or opposes. It is living void, because all forms come out of it and whoever realizes the void is filled with life and power and the love of all beings." I realize a void but I don’t think it’s the same void we’re talking about.
In my void, there is nothing. No life, no power, no love. There’s also no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no jealousy, no rage, no hatred. There’s absolutely nothing. I don’t feel scared nor do I feel safe in this void. It just is. I just don’t care anymore. If BL’s is "living void" then mine must be the Dead Void.
I spend my days now eating, watching tv, surfing the net, and practising some martial arts techniques. I sleep and I awake. I go to school and return. I live but yet, I don’t. I don’t have the motivation that drives me and encourages me to improve. My motivation is gone, in a far away place, that I can’t easily get access to.
Picking up the pieces is not my specialty because I tend to take way too long doing it. I pick up one piece and carefully look at it and remember how that piece fit in the whole picture. This time, there are many many many pieces to pick up and examine.
Heh. If you read this all the way, then you might think I’m gonna commit suicide or something (i just read it from the top and realized it’s so gloomy). Well don’t worry, I’m not going to kill myself. (Or maybe that makes you sad?) Haha.
I think i’m going back to my roots – kind of like turning back time and copying my lifestyle before. Like around grade 9 or 10? All I ever did was practise kung fu and watch tv – but I was really content back then.
To realize freedom, the mind has to learn to look at life, which is a vast movement without the bondage of time, for freedom lies beyond the field of consciousness. Watch, but don’t stop and interpret, "I am free" – then you’re living in a memory of something that has gone. To understand and live now, everything of yesterday must die. - Bruce Lee, Tao of Jeet Kune Do
Time for a change
January 13, 2000
This week draws to a close and to recap: 2 assignments, 1 exam, thousands of pages of reading, and among this, some "external" problems. This is my life and it sucks.
Give me a chance to move to another city right now and i’ll be on the plane halfway there before you finish the question. I really need to get out of here.
But life is a cruel cruel bitch. I’m flat broke, i’m swamped with more assignments and tests and crap, the weather sucks, and there’s another month before the Reading Break. Fuck this. I need a vacation.
Pains of couch potatoes
One moment this week which was actually good was on Sunday when a few of us got together and played a bit of hockey. It was my first time holding a hockey stick in years. It’s been about a year since I ran. By the end of the few hours, I was aching like a bitch. My cardio sucks – damn cigarettes. So I’m trying to cut down and I think i’m smoking a tad less than usual. Why all this? Well, we’re in an intramurals league and hope to kick ass. Good luck to us.
JV1.4 rumours
I’ve been thinking about redesign, or at least some changes for awhile now but I have no clear idea on what to change. I may delay the update because I want to take out a few books on Photoshop and (pardon the pun, but) brush up on my skills. Need to learn a few more tricks and techniques. I’m still experimenting with the program, creating things for the sake of creating things. Here’s a strange creation sprung out after Dennis asked if it was possible to apply textures to shapes and modelling them 3dimensionally. It’s called Happy Guy and will reside in my Graphic Designs page (in Interests). Dammit. This is the original. I made another one with more features (3d hair and nose!!!) but I think I deleted it. Oh well. It looks really scary.
Enough about updates.
Miscellaneous things I just want to say
- Bill Gates stepped down from his throne in Microsoft.
- A Q3A patch is out, get it.
- They cloned a monkey.
- It snowed like shit a few days ago and traffic was worse than shit.
- I’m going crazy soon. <yeah so what else is new>.
- The -J- page will be updated soon. I want to put up a few links, say a few words. Q3 is my anger outlet.
New design in the works
January 09, 2000
Yup. Version 1.4… or possibly version 2 is on the way. This page has been quite good to me… i’ve kept it for half a year (more of less). The new design will have new elements never seen in webpages authored by me. I’m currently looking for more photoshop stuff to learn and implement.
Here is a picture of one of the possible design prototypes. As always, your critique is welcome as long as it’s constructive.
I’m planning to learn html and flash sometime in the near future.
That’s about it for now… it’s late and i’m tired. I’ll write something more interesting in the news section.
Bye.
01/10/00 – Woohoo. Spent all day making this.
I spent about 3 hours making this interface. It’s not EXACTLY the way I wanted it… the colors are messed up slightly because i used stupid gif files and I used gradients… unfortunately, the colors didn’t translate exactly. On the other hand, I got it to work (haven’t tested it in diff resolutions or browsers though). Tell me what you think of it.
It’s Snowing!
January 06, 2000
“Funny. Chunky rain," I thought to myself as I was tailing the car in front of me. The drive to campus proved to be a sluggish trek. Finding parking and parking into the smallest tightest spot in the whole parkade, I got out and walked towards class. "Why the fuck did I pick the farthest parkade? Fucking rain." Some people turned and stared as I made that statement. "Mental note – think before I say."
As dreary as the weather seemed, it was, after all a Thursday. I usually have 2 classes but because this is the first week of school, one of them is cancelled. Sweet. Only 1.5 hours of Managerial Accounting. I "Managed" to not fall asleep.
A few simple words from the prof, "seeya next week", and the class lunged for the doors. Not surprisingly, I was trampled AGAIN on my way out. Damn kids.
My pride bruised and my body bruised even more, I limped to the library. A lineup of 11 people stood before me, each awaiting the day they would be at the counter, eager to return their purchases. A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind as I inched along the line. It was like a dream only I was awake and standing. The hundreds of people entering and leaving the bookstore did not catch my attention. The pretty girl that walked by did not awake my trance.
For what seemed like days, turned out to be at most half an hour. By the end of it, my trance was broken. I returned a book, and sold some others. A few dollars richer, I headed for the SUB. It was my first navigation point in my long mission ahead.
Then, in my car, I headed for Airport Square, to deliver a book. I lost my way. I found it. I lost it again. Found it. No. Yes. No. Yes. Finally. Got there. Ten minutes later, I was out again. Next objective, I was to pick up my sibling from school.
Next to a playing field, I docked my vehicle and cut power to all systems except life support (heat). I sent myself on an away mission. Outside the car, I lit my first cigarette in two days. The sensation is undescribable. As it burned to the tip, I gently sent it sailing into a pool of water beside me. The familiar hiss sent a stream of smoke into the atmosphere. The death of the flame brought a moment of silence. For a brief instant, it seemed the world had ended and I was alone.
My sister finally walked up and once again, the world was lively. Not that my sister is some sort of motivation, but seeing her reminded me to get in the car and get out of there.
With new cargo, I pulled out of my parking spot and headed home. Out of the blue, a brown Lexus SUV drove right in front. With certainty, I knew I had right of way since, he couldn’t get by if I let him (there were cars parked on both sides – leaving room for one car to get through). I could tell he didn’t want me to go.
I gassed (THE CAR!). He gassed. I gassed some more. He stopped. I had won that standstill. I moment of triumph passed as I drove past the other car. The driver stared at me with a glare in his eye. I stared back. With all my might, I forced the fiercest looking facade I could muster. An actor of no experience I was but experience was not needed. He saw my glare and looked away. We both drove off. A simple event over.
With a puny conflict behind me, I headed home. Soon enough I was in the garage, running for the door for throughout my whole day, I had neglected to go to the washroom.
And so it was, a typical day in my life, ended with a flush and a sigh of relief.
Tune in next time for more amazing adventures of A Day In The Life Of An Idiot.
School! Yeah!
January 04, 2000
Today was the first day of school in the new millenium. Yeah! I only had one class so it was fine. After that, I waited in line for 45 minutes for one lousy book. Aargh. I can’t quake as much now, I’m rationing my download limits to 33mb per day. Sucks huh? Ah well. Dammit, I have 6 hours of class tomorrow, from 8:30 to 4:30. That’s gonna be tiring.
Bye Bye Boys
Just came back from Death By Chocolate – sort of a farewell thing for Jesse. I’m sick from the 5 lbs of ice cream I had. The waitress was kind of cute too. Whatever. Anyway, goodbye Jesse. Seeya later. Oh and goodbye Justin, who left a few days ago. Dave’s not gone yet… have a dinner thing planned before he goes.
New Webpage Design
I’m in the midst of designing a new webpage. I don’t think it’ll be my homepage because I still like this one. What I plan is to move the quake pages there or maybe a Shoo page? Nah… quake is better. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, visit Sinned’s Realm. It’s expanding in content now – check out his screen shots. They’re way better than the ones here.
How To Make a Telemarketer Go Away
January 03, 2000
How To Make a Telemarketer Go Away
New Year. New Millenium
January 02, 2000
That was good. All over the world, countries passed into the new millenium without any significant glitches from the infamous y2k bug. I guess all that hype about power failures were just paranoia or perhaps error in calculation. I stayed up on the 31st till about 3am to watch the first y2k entrants. Most of them were little islands wher aboriginals danced and sang fireside. No booze, no noise, no commotion. Boring huh?
Not as boring as my new years. I didn’t go anywhere. No parties. No club. No rave. No drugs. No booze (not until later that night anyway). My life as I know it is a big boring cauldron of annoyances, scrubs, and self-inviters. No more do I have a clear direction in my life. No more do I have motivation. What do I wake up for every morning? Quake? School? I don’t know anymore.
Happy New Years indeed.
I don’t know why I say this stuff on my webpage. People who read it will think I’m a depressed person but I’m not. I’m not sad. I’m not happy. I’m in a void where emotions don’t exist, where dreams are exactly that – a dream, where happiness is a memory, and sadness is an old friend.
Nonetheless, I’m not going to waste the coming years as I did back in high school. I don’t give up. I find solutions. I dug myself out of this hole before and I can do it again.
Second term starts in a 2 days. I need to reclaim my average. Which means slacking off less, doing my own homework, and studying more (books of course). One more note. Jesse wrote about how his webpage has 4 digit years (y2k compliant!) and guess what? JV1.3 is NOT y2k compliant hahaha. Ironic – I was warning of y2k bugs and on the very page of warnings, a 2 digit year system! Oh well, no idiot in the world will think it’s 1900 – except for scrubs and self-inviters.
Got a few pics of DF99/00 – hopefully Jesse will upload them to me soon.
New Dog Breeds
The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by….oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end
Bull Terrier + Shitzu = Oh, never mind….
